Will You Be Able To Escape From Your Own "Origin"?

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Dreaming of living abroad, exploring other cultures, and furthering my education has always been a long-standing wish of mine. I remember the eagerness I felt to fulfill these dreams. I have been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to pursue them without any financial burden.

Initially, the experience felt like a "honeymoon" period, where everything seemed beautiful and positive. I immersed myself in travel, enjoying a well-planned schedule to keep negativity at bay. I surrounded myself with friends, sharing laughter and stories to escape feelings of loneliness.

However, gradually, a sense of genuine happiness gave way to an indescribable emptiness. Even those around me couldn't perceive it. I found myself crying whenever I felt overwhelmed. Past failures and disappointments haunted me, filling my speeches and heart with negativity.

I expected people to listen and understand my deep thoughts, but it hurt to bear them alone. I only expressed my struggles to my close and loved ones. As time passed, I realized that human beings are incapable of fulfilling our innermost needs.

Taking a step back, I reflected on myself, distancing myself temporarily from society in search of the root of my emotions. I came to the realization that mesmerizing views and impressive buildings were not the ultimate source of enjoyment.

In the past, I would cry earnestly in prayer, begging for my dreams to come true. However, once they were fulfilled, I became forgetful and failed to acknowledge that my success was solely due to the grace of Allah. Instead, I focused on the negatives within the blessings and neglected my routine of Quran recitation and remembrance of Allah, replacing it with prioritized excuses for momentary enjoyment and comfort.

_Until I realize that it's only ALLAH who is the source of peace, I will never be able to attain true peace of mind.

Welcome back, dear. --